Once
upon a time in Las Vegas, a man stumbles into a bar and tries hard to focus his
eyes onto the *hopefully* stunning lady across the room. He approaches her and
offers to buy the next round. She giggles uncontrollably through his
stuttering, slurred proposition, then politely accepts and offers him a seat.
After a few hours, becoming more intoxicated with every new drink, they come to
realize she is visiting from New Jersey, he from Texas. The drinks flow like water,
the laughter continues, the physical contact grows in intensity. He says, “let’s
get married!” She says, “yes!” They proceed to the nearest chapel (which is
barely a block from the bar of their meeting), whip out their IDs, take vows,
and she becomes Mrs. What-was-his-name-again?
Meanwhile
in Michigan, Nancy is 47 and has been married four times. She can’t seem to find
Mr Right. But she tries husbands on like shoes you aren’t sure how they’ll fit
when you’re in them all day and if they hurt her feet too much, she’ll just
pitch them out. (She has a great divorce attorney who has gotten her a fair
settlement from each of the husbands- always enough to keep her afloat until
the next one comes along.) Her intentions are good; she wants a forever
commitment. They just never turn out that way. She doesn’t even bother to
change her last name on official documents anymore. She’s been seeing Robert,
60, for about three months now and he has popped the question. Robert is a nice
man, spoils her with flowers, compliments, and a weekend getaway or two. She accepts.
Maybe Robert is the guy of her dreams. Nancy forgets all the Roberts of her past-
the ones who became abusive or the ladies’ man or just stopped being nice after
that trip down the aisle; instead she thought about the potential and headed
off to the courthouse for another marriage license. After all, if things didn’t
work out, she could always get another divorce.
Jim is
82, a successful entrepreneur, and a lonesome widower with a heart condition.
Maria is 23, a beautiful high school graduate, aspiring model/actress, whose
efforts at success have not paid the bills. She takes his order at a coffee
shop and quickly learns of his financial (and health) status. Each day, he
comes into the shop for his morning cup and a read and Maria took excellent
care of him. She sat down at his table, got to know him, and seduced him- mind,
body, and spirit. He brought her gifts, paid her bills, and eventually asked
her to move in with him. He took the bait; she simply needed to set the hook.
Jim listened as she told him she couldn’t live with any man she wasn’t married
to, so naturally, he presented her with a fat diamond. She became his
manipulating wife, counting the days until his heart finally gave out and she
inherited his fortune. She told her disgusted friends, “I’ll marry for money
the first time; the second time for love.”
These
three scenarios play out every day in the US. They are perfectly legal
marriages, not born of love and commitment, but of selfishness,
irresponsibility, and immorality. They have not reduced your idea of what
family and marriage mean to you, even if you disagree with these choices. They
have not removed any dignity or sanctity from your own legal marriage.
Now
meet Jack and Bill. They’ve been together for 13 years. They have a
relationship built on love, trust, and responsibility. They’ve committed their
lives to one another years ago, sharing a home, equal responsibilities, and a
life together. Living in Virginia, they have paid higher taxes than you, had to
draft power of attorney documents to preserve the rights of their coupledom
(which still may be fought in court) should one of them die, and while Jack’s
job offers exceptional health insurance, Bill is not eligible to participate
and must pay hundreds of dollars monthly for his diabetic supplies and
medication. They can’t get married in
their state, in this country, because it may upset your view of what marriage
truly is: commitment, love, trust, and respect…
This is
what we are striving for: equality for all people, an opportunity to take part
not only in the benefits of marriage, but also the recognition that our
relationships are worthy of acknowledgement. I don’t ask that you support the
LGBT community with funds, protests, and attending pride events. I don’t even
ask that you become an ally to the community. I don’t expect you to change your
view of morality or disregard your religious beliefs- I value my own, it is
intrinsic to who I am and wouldn’t want to be asked to give it up- but I do want
you to consider affording the entire population basic rights. It will do no
harm to your own belief system, but what it will do is provide a love and
respect that is a part of the Golden Rule.
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