Throwback Boy Bands and Other Serious Topics

I probably first heard the New Kids on the Block at age 12. By 14, I knew every word to every song, had parties to watch their Pay Per View concerts, owned every cassette, every poster, and more copies of Tiger Beat than you can imagine. I saw them perform live in 1993 and it was (at the time) the best night of my life. Yeah, I was THAT girl.

As an adult, I haven’t seen much of them. What I have seen is a society that has repeatedly told me that my body type is unattractive. I’ve seen a diet industry try to convince me that I am not good enough unless I am constantly on this bandwagon leading me to thin perfection. I have seen Diet Coke and Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and even beer with 64 calories try to persuade me to be a better version of myself- if better means nothing other than 75 pounds lighter than who I already am.

In October, I went for my annual exam at my doctor’s office. She was surprised (I know this because she said so) that my blood pressure, blood sugar, enzymes, (and whatever the hell they’re measuring in all the labs and vitals and swabs they take to find flaws in your biological design) were all perfect. I’m paraphrasing, but in essence, my doctor told me that I was too fat to be so healthy and I should be thankful. I told her that I’m quite thankful and contrary to the number on the scale- which she seemed to place a lot of stock in- I am very healthy. I eat a balanced diet. I have fresh veggies every day. I keep fruit on hand. I drink water. And for the record, I also eat ice cream if I want it.

I have struggled (as most people have) with body image most of my life. On that day in my doctor’s office, when I expected to hear the worst, I was instead greeted with a message of health. I was also greeted with disbelief, but the part I focused on was health. Yay me! I spent the next few days really looking at myself. I discovered that I’m not ugly- in fact, I’m kinda cute. I have an incredible sense of humor, I am caring and loving and generous and non-judgmental. But because I have curves- voluptuous, proportionate curves- I should want to change? No freaking way. Thus begins my journey of self love.

I find my heart breaking when I hear young people talking about their weight, their size, their need to stay thin and attractive. It devastates me to think that the next generation will hurt inside and torture themselves for this ideal picture of beauty. I am angry. I am broken. I want to change something- anything!- to make the world a different place for my kids. I decided to start with myself. My focus is not on weight or dress size. I am learning to love my body- all 225 pounds of it. (Yep. I said it.) I’m hot. If you don’t agree, it’s okay. I probably won’t be getting naked with you anyway, so you’re safe.

This is the part where I tie it together. I promise.

 I rarely watch music videos, MTV is stupid nowadays and I am usually into music for the sake of the music. My imagination creates a video based on my interpretation of the lyrics, the tone, and the beat. Occasionally, my BFF will insist that I watch a video on VH1 in the mornings and I will occasionally oblige. I had watched a video with her a few days ago and just left it on for background music. I heard the new NKOTB song Remix. As a fan from way back, I wanted to check the guys out, see what’s up. Instead, I found myself immersed in the story in this video. The song is about a woman who gets tired of blending in, being judged, being laughed at, and becomes okay with herself and how hot they (the five guys of my teenage dreams) think she is. The woman featured in this video is a beautiful actress by the name of Artemis Pebdani. She is a curvy girl. She is dancing like no one is watching, even though everybody is watching. She shakes her groove thing very provocatively with a drooling Donnie Wahlberg who sings out to her “I love the sexy thing you turned into.” Maybe he’s a great actor nowadays, but I believed him. I think he really wanted her. And you know why? She was HOT! She’s naturally a pretty girl, but the self confidence she exudes in this video is magnetic. If she knows she’s that awesome, who am I to question her?

Guess what- I am awesome, too. So are you. Be healthy; take care of you first. I’ve learned that the “picture of health” is hidden somewhere underneath my plus sized clothes, stretch marks, and my thighs that rub together. If you don’t like something about yourself, change it. If someone else doesn’t like something about you, that is their own stuff. Don’t haul the baggage of what others think of you. Please love yourself. Do it for your own sanity. But also do it for my kids. Do it so that they can believe in themselves. Do it so that my son will choose a partner who is perfect for him and not for society. Do it so that my daughter can love herself and never question whether 5 pounds will make her more or less attractive.  Do it. And remember this: it’s okay (and recommended) to fall in love with yourself.

And sometimes, you treat the person you’re in love with to a guilt-free dessert.